One of the most common questions that I see from potential clients all over the internet and hear in conversation is essentially “How can I tell if this person is a good fit for me?”. The best way to do this is to take full advantage of your intake and first couple of appointments to ask as many questions as you can.
With insurance being the way that it is, you might have limited options or choices. Geographically you might be limited as well and due to waiting lists, it can seem insourmountable to have to ‘doctor shop’, but therapy only works when the client is comfortable with their therapist. Otherwise, resentments occur and grow, and the time spent becomes frustrating for the client, leaving them with a bad taste in their mouth and perhaps swearing off mental health options forever.
A mentor of mine said early on in my grad school process something that has stuck with me, which is “not everyone graduates at the top of their class”. What they meant was, not everyone is the best in their field. It’s possible that you are sitting across from someone who lives and breathes mental health, continuing their education and research to be the best they can be, or perhaps you are sitting across from someone who didn’t really care to put the work in and got into the field because they thought it might be easy. That’s why it’s so important to ask questions.
Ethically, therapists do not take clients on spec, and we provide each client with an unconditional positive regard. This means that no matter what the person across from me says, I don’t judge them nor do I let it affect my professional treatment of them. At the end of the day, I truly believe that EVERYONE is deserving of positive mental health and anyone who reaches out for help is welcome in my space.
But you, as the client, might have things that are important to you, and you need to know if this person is a good fit. After all, you’re paying them money and time in order to get some help, so you need to know – and DESERVE to know – that this person can help with your issues.
Some questions you should be asking include their approaches for issues that you want help with. How do they respond to you wanting to try things or not want to go down a path you’ve walked before? Perhaps you’ve done CBT several times and it doesn’t click for you, would they be able to work with another treatment modality? What are their views on things that are important for you, such as medication – would they respect your decision to utilize (or not) that tool within your treatment? Are they familiar with issues facing your community that are impacting your mental health and ability to thrive? What credentials do they have? What areas of special interest do they have? Do their views of spirituality within counseling match what your desires are? Do their views of sexuality, addiction, trauma, or other areas match what you are looking for? How about gender identity?
Ultimately, this is a job interview for you, where you get to hire us or not at the end of it. While we may decline to answer personal questions (such as, where do your kids go to school or what car do you drive) for safety concerns, the questions above are questions that many therapists won’t have issues answering because we understand the importance of clients feeling safe with us.
I can’t speak for every therapist out there, but I can promise for me, I won’t take offense if I’m not a good fit for you. It’s heartening to see so many other clinicians out there having this conversation as well, and giving space to our clients who feel uncomfortable asking questions about the things they value. We’re here to help you, and we know that the best way to help is for you to feel safe, secure and valued.
Cardinal Point 