The secular New Year is celebrated widely by millions of people in the US, and it’s been an exciting and optimistic time in the past. However, the past two years have been fraught with many things that have increased anxiety and depression in millions as well. The idea of planning goals, opportunities, lifestyle changes and all manner of things can seem untenable when we have difficulty planning for the next month’s rent, keeping our jobs for a few more months, or even living in the same state. The uncertainty really can color the way that we view our new year coming up, and it’s absolutely okay to feel ambivalent or even negatively towards the concept.
For a period of about ten years of my life, I found it very hard to think about resolutions due to my own personal circumstances and when I would attempt to do so, I found myself panicking about two months into the year when I realized I hadn’t done anything towards my goals that I had set out. I took some time off and then when my life had stabilized, I found myself wanting to use the calendar reset as an opportunity to check in with myself and see where I was. I also knew that I had to figure out a way to set a goal that didn’t seem insurmountable or would make me feel like a failure when I got behind.
I thought back to my days in mid-tier management for call centers and remembered the SMART goal format that I was taught to use for my employees. For those not familiar, SMART is an acronym that stands for “Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely/Timeframe”. This method is also commonly used in creating treatment plans within therapeutic settings and if you’ve had therapy, you’ve already participated in creating a goal. The gist is that you take a large goal – something like, “This year I’d like to do more self-care”, and you either break it down into smaller chunks (objectives) or use your goal to create a SMART-formated goal.
Self-care looks like different things for everyone, and one of my favorite self-care activities is re-watching old television shows when I have the time. I find if it’s a show that I enjoy, it’s easy for me to get lost in it and I feel better afterwards. It’s also hard for me to find the time between work, school, family and personal obligations to actually be able to do this. So a SMART goal under this idea would be something like “Every other Saturday night after the kids are asleep, I will spend 1 hour watching an episode of The West Wing with no other distractions”. It’s specific, measurable (one episode a week), attainable (it’s only one hour every 14 days), relevant (a hobby I enjoy) and has a time-frame (the hour).
If you find yourself at a block of a large goal (like, “This year I’m gonna get back in shape”), give yourself the time and pacing to figure out what that looks like for you. Do you want to change your attitudes towards your body? Unlearn disordered eating habits or embrace new ways of eating that might be healthier for you depending on your current medical/physical needs? Exercise for strength or aerobic increases? Gain some weight? Once you know what that overall goal actually means for YOU personally, it becomes easier to look at those tangents and discover what you really mean.
And on the flipside, if you feel negative or don’t feel like having a new years resolution at all, then give yourself the grace and space to reject the idea wholeheartedly. Just because you’re at a point where you don’t want to have a long-term goal right now doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you or that you’re missing out on something. It’s simply how you are coping right now and that’s alright. Your life might already be filled with short-term goals, like how is the light bill going to get paid this month, or making it through the next hour without a drink. It also might not be and that’s fine as well.
Whatever you need right now is absolutely fine, and allowing yourself the ability to listen to what you truly want and need is enough of a ‘New You’ to go on for today.
On a personal note, I wish everyone reading this a Happy New Year if you are celebrating. The past two years have been very hard for me and I know first-hand that my story is not unique. For all of us, I hope that we can have a better tomorrow. I leave you with Neil Gaiman’s 2021 New Year message, which has been so important to me over the past months.
“I hope we all get to walk freely in the world once more. To see our loved ones, and hold them once again.
I hope the year ahead is kind to us, and that we will be kind to each other, even if the year isn’t.
Small acts of generosity, of speech, of reaching out, can mean more to those receiving them than the people doing them can ever know. Do what you can. Receive the kindnesses of others with grace.
Hold on. Hang on, by the skin of your teeth if you have to. Make art — or whatever you make — if you can make it. But if all you can manage is to get out of bed in the morning, then do that and be proud of what you’ve managed, not frustrated by what you haven’t.
Remember, you aren’t alone, no matter how much it feels like it some times.
And never forget that, sometimes, it’s only when it gets really dark that we can see the stars.”
Cardinal Point 